where all the scars from the nevers and maybes die (jiangyin) wrote in sadisticfansons,
where all the scars from the nevers and maybes die

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a little bit o' sadistic goodness...

I suppose this isn't really what most people would class as sadistic, per se, but what the hell. I've got something even more sadistic in the works, which I'll see about posting when it's written.

Anyway, behind the cut is a dream sequence, including a death scene, that I wrote for one of my fics, Angel. The original death scene was written by my friend ephemerall, all I did was rewrite from a different perspective to suit the story. I'm considering rewriting it, actually. Enjoy... *fidgets nervously*


It hurt to move, to speak; it even hurt to breathe. I lay in bed, hovering in the state between awake and asleep, trying to ignore the unbearable pain that I was in. I didn’t want it to end like this.

“Taylor, wake up.”

“Lani?” I whispered without opening my eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Open your eyes and I might just tell you.”

I slowly opened my eyes, and Lani smiled slightly. “I’ve come to take you home,” she explained. “It sucks, but someone has to do it.” She shrugged. “I know you don’t want to go; believe me, I know.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Ebony and Aidan are on their way; they just snuck out of the house. But after you’ve said goodbye…we have to go.”

Goodbye. It hit me then that this was it; this was the end. Game over. No turning back. “I don’t want to die, Lani,” I whispered.

“Nobody wants to, but it’s something that has to happen. You know that as well as I do.”

“You’re not helping.”

Lani shrugged. “I’ll be over here,” she said, stepping back into the shadows. “Nobody will be able to see me except for you; I’ll give you some sort of signal when it’s time.”

I nodded and closed my eyes again, trying desperately to keep my mind off of what was about to happen. I had never conquered my fear of dying, despite it having happened more times than I cared to note; after more than three hundred and fifty years it still had some sort of power over me.

I felt someone take my right hand in theirs, and I opened my eyes to see Ebony and Aidan at my side; I tried to smile but failed miserably. “Ebby…” I whispered. “It hurts…”

“Shh,” Ebony whispered. “Don’t try and talk, Tay.”

“I tried…so hard…” I said; even the simple act of talking was becoming too much of an effort. “I tried to hold on…for you guys…”

“Don’t hold on for us, Tay,” Aidan said quietly.

“I can’t,” I whispered; I closed my eyes again, taking a shaky breath. “I tried…but I just can’t. I can’t…hold on anymore…” Ebony squeezed my hand gently.

“Shh,” she whispered. “You let go when you need to.”

“There’s so much pain,” I whispered, “and I’m…I’m so tired…”

“You sleep,” Ebony whispered. “Please, Tay…”

“I’m scared to sleep,” I said. I looked at Ebony, at the tears falling down her cheeks. “If I go to sleep…I won’t wake up this time.” I felt more tears fall. “It’s happening, Ebby…” I whispered, looking right into her eyes; she took her free hand and gently wiped my tears away.

“Close your eyes, Tay,” Aidan whispered.

“If I’m gone when you wake up, please don’t cry,” I sang in almost a whisper; just talking was enough of an effort, so I had no idea how I found the strength to sing just that tiny part of that song. “If I’m gone when you wake up, it’s not goodbye…”

“I’m not ready to say goodbye,” Ebony whispered tearfully.

I looked at her again. “You’ll be okay,” I whispered. “I’ll never leave you, I promise.”

“Sleep,” Ebony whispered; I closed my eyes momentarily, then opened them again.

“It hurts so much…” I cried softly.

“Shh,” Ebony whispered. “It’s almost over now.”

Over Ebony’s shoulder I saw Lani step into view; she nodded slightly. “I have to let go…” I whispered. “I love you, Aidan,” I said softly.

“I love you, too, Tay,” he whispered back; I looked at my sister again.

“I love you, Ebby…” I whispered, my tears beginning to fall faster.

“God, I love you Tay,” she whispered back.

The scene dissolved, and I found myself standing at the back of a church. Rain pounded on the roof, the sound filling the small building. As I watched the scene unfold, a young woman dressed in a long black skirt and a light blue blouse stood up and walked out into the central aisle, up to the wooden lectern; she kept her head down as she faced the congregation. I sucked in a breath as she looked up.

It was Ebony.

I slid down to the floor, leaning against the wall, and listened to my sister speak. I wanted to walk up there, tell her I was all right, that everything was going to be okay…but I couldn’t. I wasn’t even supposed to be here, but I had to see her one last time. I needed to see my whole family one last time.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry it had to end this way…”

Once more, the scene before me changed. I stood onstage, looking out over thousands of people, together with Aidan and Ebony. And I heard myself sing.

“I can see forever lately…and make it all seem ordinary…can’t live without and never feel it…the breath of love turned into being…”
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